


AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH

by itachicoughs (falterth)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everything's the same but there are gamers, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Crack, M/M, Shrek's Carnival Craze for the Nintendo Wii (released 2007), author flip flops between present and past tense, i regret the events leading to this fic's creation, screwy brand names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2020-01-24 03:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18562849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falterth/pseuds/itachicoughs
Summary: “I’m fine,” Sasuke says roughly, shoving Naruto’s concerns out of the way. He’s been fine and he will always be fine, with or without someone else. He didn’t have someone to fawn on him and ask him if he was okay when he needed it most. He won’t use it as a crutch now, when he can stand on his own two feet. “Tell me what you’re playing this time.”“Shrep’s festival Mania,” Naruto replied.





	AAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH

**Author's Note:**

> im genuinely sorry to anyone who reads this

(written past 00:00, so i cannot be held accountable for anything that happens in this fic. it’s a law. and anyways im exempt from rules, all of them)

Finally, sasuke thought. Today is the doay. i mean day. Today is the day when i finally confess my love to naruto.

Let’s start this over. The time: high noon. The place: Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in Leaves. More specifically, Sasuke’s house. Inside the village. The reason: author wanted to write a crackfic.

You might be wondering how he got here. I’ll take you back to the beginning of his day.

Sasuke wakes up inside his house. This is normal. We won’t get into the story of how he got there to go to sleep and then wake up, because then we’d get trapped in a cycle. Are we good on that? Good. It is normal, and it is good, so Sasuke exits the bed and gets dressed. this is the best part because I get to describe his clothes because I know nothing about clothes or fashion or anything

shirt - black and has sleeves and is probably made out of something which is warm enough to keep him warm when he gets cold  
pants- he has them and puts things in their pockets  
shoes - not yet bc he doesnt keep his shoes in the room but they are made of wood and they fit very nicely  
helmet - mithril, and what fine craftsmanship! that’ll get him through a fair few fights, if i must say. ;)  
shield - no shield because sasukes ar’ms are not strong enoughto carry that marvelous weight

Today, something was in the air. Sasuke could feel it. It was pollen, but he didn’t know that. He wasn’t allergic, unlike Ino, who was just now reaching for her allergy medicine. Sasuke didn’t know that either. Kind of sad how much he doesn’t know, for a fic that’s about him. (for now)

Finally, Sasuke thought. Today is the day. (notice lack of spelling errors. even i am capable of improving) Today is the day when I finally confess my love to Naruto.

Then, to prepare himself mentally for the task ahead, he stood on his porch for exactly three hours, since it was nine in the morning EXACTLY when he left the house. He entered the house at 12:00. It was high noon, and this had just begun.

so that’s how he got into his house. Not a very impressive feat if you ask me but it does feel good to be acknowledged for small things you think would go unnoticed by other people so please compliment him because i know he would appreciate it. :)e

Sasuke left his house again after he decided he was ready to face Naruto. The raven-haired man closed his delicate, beautiful eyeballs, i mean eyelids lol oops, long dark eyelashes fluttering shut and creating a very  delicate (used that word already let me go look in the dictionary just kidding im too lazy) tiny breeze that didn’t really change anything but which was nice to write about in any case. He let a vision of Naruto fill his mind . Naruto was perfect, in every sense of the word.

For starters, he was alive. That was always a thing to look for in potential partners. Another point in his favor was that he had a physical body. That meant Sasuke could do things, such as hold hands and… uhm… *blushes* k-kissing…. Having a physical body meant a great number of things. One: Naruto had legs, which Sasuke liked. He didn’t like Naruto’s legs in particular, except he supposed he did because he liked everything about Naruto more than he liked anyone else. Two: Naruto had hands, so he could hold hands with Sasuke. Three: Naruto had a face, which was very good because Sasuke liked to look at people’s faces when he talked to them. And Naruto had a very nice face indeed. indeed…. Another attribute of note was the fact that Naruto liked to talk. Sasuke did not like to talk, so he figured Naruto could do the talking.

The final nail in the coffin (in a good way) was that Naruto was a gamer. I forgot to mention this earlier, but this is just the Naruto world but with video games and consoles like an Xbob (cant pay for product placement sorry) or a different console that has a differently shaped controller that you can play this cool game called Fursona on.

Anyway, so everything is the same except sometimes there are gamers and a lot of poeple play games.

Sasuke opened his eyes and began the long walk to Naruto’s house. He could have teleported there, but he was a romantic and wanted to do things the old way. It garnered much nagging from some of his modern peers. Shikamaru was chief among them. His laziness meant that he would take the path with the least possible effort. So he would body flicker everywhere. Actually, pretty early on Shikamaru figured it was harder to nag Sasuke than it was to just do his own thing so he went back to that. guess he wasn’t really chief among them then! Moving on.

He reached Naruto’s house. It was quiet but nobody could hide things from Sasuke. (untrue because once I saw someone hide something from Sasuke) He could hear the faint sounds of gaming coming from inside the house. It sounded like Naruto was having a real good time in there, and Sasuke wanted to cheer Naruto’s day up even more. Hopefully.

Sasuke paused with his hand halfway to the doorknob. He hadn’t, not even for a second, entertained the idea of Naruto rejecting him—until now. Is this how Icarus felt, falling from the sun, wax bindings melting off his wings? Was he scared when he felt the sea spray rising to meet him, when he realized how trapped he tru565My cat just walked on my keyboard and turned my computer brightness on my keyboard all the way down.

Let me take a break to talk about her.

I do understand that she is just a cat, and I love her very much. I try to keep her off my keyboard when I can, but she doesn’t understand that she has to stay off of it and sometimes if it’s in the way of where she wants to go, she walks over it faster than i can redirect her. She is very cute,Just gave my cat a big ol smooch on the forehead. She liked it oh argh she is going to step on OMG. Okay I have got to share this groundbreaking news. Before, she only stepped on my keyboard keys, but this time she stepped on a place where there were no keys. Okay, back to writing

Sasuke was frozen in fear. He’d never felt anything as terrifying as this, not when Itachi had stared into his eyes and called him worthless, _run and cling to your wretched life,_ not when Orochimaru had put the cursed seal onto his shoulder _pain pain everything is pain,_ not ever. He was a shinobi, kind of, battle-hardened and he’d survived the worst of what the world had thrown at him. Why was he paralyzed now, at the moment of truth?

He could turn back, and forget any of this. Suppress his feelings like he’s so used to doing, walk away, go back to his shitty cheap house/apartment (already forgot which one it was sorry) and his shitty Xbob and his Mountain Condensate bottles lying empty, strewn across every single horizontal surface he could find and even some vertical ones. Does he want to face this new, terrifying, brand new world? Or does he want to go back the the same life he’s always had, full of predictable disappointment?

Find out next time on **COMPLETE DRAMA** **_island_.**

The decision was ripped from him; the knob turned before he had the chance to walk away, and Naruto’s grinning face greeted him. Sasuke fought to keep a blush off his face. Even though I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Sasuke blush.

“H-hey, Naruto,” Sasuke said, not meating his eyes.

“Aw, c’mon Sasuke, you don’t gotta be so shy! You’re always welcome here,” Naruto said, grabbing him by the wrist and leading him into the house, all sunshine and smiles and laughter. Sasuke relaxed a little under Naruto’s familiar touch, completely forgetting that they’d both left the door open and now thieves were sneaking in and burgling the house. Hmph. Also, the cat would get out if they had a cat.

“ . . . What are you playing this time?” Sasuke asked, fidgeting. He and Naruto were sitting on two bean bag chairs in front of Naruto’s television, where his game console of unspecified origin and name sat hooked up to it. He longed to bridge the gap between their bean bag chairs and take Naruto’s hand, to bury his face in Naruto’s soft red hair and close his eyes and truly, truly relax. He longed. That’s why he had come here, really: to confess his feelings, not to watch Naruto play a game. That was entertaining, though. Always. Anything Naruto was involved in captivated Sasuke com . . . plete . . .

“—suke? Sasuke, stop staring at the wall, I swear you do this all the time,” Naruto sighed, shaking his head. “Oh, good to see you’re back to the world of the living. I . . . honestly was starting to get a little worried.”

There was no holding back this blush. It was so red that he looked like someone put red paint on his cheeks. He touched his face just to make sure that didn’t actually happen. Nope. Just him. Disappointing, but it’s nothing new. Or was . . . oh god there’s paint on his face. But—wait! It’s evaporating! Jim, you’ve gotta come see this—and bring the camera crew with you. An unprecedented incident . . . embarrassment levels so high he can evaporate paint. This is George Georgeman, here with your weather forecast. Predict things that usually happen around your area. We’ll be back at seven, ladies and gents and people who do not fit into either binary gender but who define themselves in other terms, and those who have still not figured everything out and those who choose not to label themselves. Thank you for watching Channel News.

They wheel the camera crew and George Georgeman out of Naruto’s apartment. The burglars or thieves or whatever they were are long gone now. They didn’t really take anything except five ryo which is basically worthless anyway so there.

“I’m fine,” Sasuke says roughly, shoving Naruto’s concerns out of the way. He’s been fine and he will always be fine, with or without someone else. He didn’t have someone to fawn on him and ask him if he was okay when he needed it most. He won’t use it as a crutch now, when he can stand on his own two feet. “Tell me what you’re playing this time.”

“Shrep’s festival Mania,” Naruto replied.

I know I’ve interrupted the story a lot, but I want to talk about this game. Shrep’s festival Mania is actually called Shrek’s Carnival Craze, and it is actually a really fun game. I played it unironically a lot. It’s fun, and you can play as Puss in Boots or any of the characters really, except for Gingy and the Wolf… which is honestly sad. I had a lot of fun playing it when I was younger. Windmill Whirl, Fancy Footwork and The Royal Hoopla were some of my favorite games. **Shrek’s Carnival Craze lovers, represent.**

“That sounds fun,” Sasuke said, trying to sound genuinely interested. It wasn’t very hard, because as soon as the screen loaded, Sasuke really was hooked. He and Naruto spent a few hours playing multiplayer and competing to see who could get the highest score. wai…..WAITFUCKING MINUTE? SOMEHOW I SWITCHED TO the TENSE WITHOUT REALIZING IT. IS THIS WHAT CHANNELING THE VERSION OF ME FROM 2013/2014 IS DOING?????? **MY** MALEVOLENT INFLUENCE? I’ll be recovering from this blunder now. I take back what I said earlier about improving—that was obviously a mistake and shall be struck from the records. 

Sasuke can’t remember the last time he’s had this much fun. The levels are genuinely interesting, and although Naruto beats him by a sound margin in some games, he finds he excels in other ones. There are games neither of them are particularly good or bad at either, and Sasuke finds he enjoys it greatly. It’s one of the best games he’s ever played. Sure, the graphics aren’t as good as they could be, but it’s an old game! That’s part of the charm! When he looks back on the game in his older days, it’ll seem like it was in a better quality than it really was anyway unless he replays it again and gets disappointed, so i think it’s safe to say the Graphics aren’t a big issue.

I am not being sponsored to write this. I—shit, forgot the words, can I look at the notecard again pretty please? Thank you. You’re so nice. Let me try this again: I am not being sponsored to write this. I praise this game of my own free will and urge my kind readers t

After a while (ten hours), both of their interests in the game waned, and Naruto shut off the old console. Now his face was only lit by the light grey light of the static on the TV. Sasuke’s breath caught in his throat. The watery grey light complimented Naruto’s features perfectly. Sometimes the static was whiter than it was grey, and sometimes the static was blacker than it was grey. The variety made it interesting and beautiful. Sasuke cried a little bit and then stopped crying.

**fuck i shifted to a different tense again. i just backread and i actually kept shifting between tenses. i would be embarrassed but this is really funny**

Their eyes met, purple on black and then Sasuke activated his Sharingan so it was purple on red. His eyes matched Naruto’s hair. Poetic cinema. It seems as though the world stills around them. Nothing can touch them, not here, not now, not in Naruto’s basement with the static-playing TV and the sounds of nothing because this is the basement and Naruto lives alone going on in the background. It’s beautiful and evokes the kind of emotion in Sasuke that would’ve made him cry if he was younger, softer.

“Naruto, I—”

“Sasuke, I—”

They both stop. Stare at each other.

“Y- you go first, Naruto,” Sasuke says, blushing and fidgeting. He’s glad for the low light because Naruto might not be able to see him. If Naurto saw Sasuke it would be so embarrassing, for real. **For real.**

mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer mushromancer

Skills that allow consumption of mushrooms and grant certain benefits as a result.

 

*singing to the tune of the ballad from tomodachi life*  
(sasuke) I took a stroll one night  
(sasuke) I confessed to the forgot what goes here  
(sasuke) forgot the lyrics  
(sasuke) and Iiiiii wept  
(naruto) I walked up to my reflection one day  
(naruto) forgot the lyrics  
(naruto) he’s my one and only

(sasuke & naruto) as it happens we are both here  
(instrumental)

So yeah I forgot the rest of the lyrics. Or the song might have ended there. Not really clear on it.

Then, Naruto activated his gamer mode. **NARUTO GAMER MODE REAL?** It was like his regular mode except nothing. It’s indistinguishable from regular naruto. Maybe he can drink more energy drinks. Didnt think too hard about it tbh.

Sasuke remembers the reason he came here. He stands up and clears his throat. He can do it now. He’s seen, no, been a part of their chemistry. There is something here. Maybe, just this once . . . Sasuke deserves to be happy.

“Naruto,” Sasuke said, fighting to keep his voice steady.

“Yes?” Gamer Mode Naruto said.

“I am in love with you and want to go on a date with you,” Sasuke said, blushing profusely and looking at anywhere but Naruto.

“Sasuke darn I keep spelling his name wrong,” Gamer Mode Naruto breathed. His face was perfect. It had things a face should have, like skin and stuff. Eyebrows too. Good thing Sasuke didn’t fall in love with Gaara; Sasuke likes people that have eyebrows.

He had cool eyes that had eyelashes on them. When he blinked they fluttered delicately and also created a tiny breeze that Sasuke could not feel. He only knew.

“WAIT!”

Both their heads turned toward the source of their interruption. Sasuke was angry.

“Naruto! I love you too!” cried the person who was steadily approaching

HOLY MOLY! It was Neji. Neji looked very handsome, but Sasuke was still angry. He’s never felt this furious in his entire life. How dare Neji . . . when Sasuke finally thinks happiness is within his grip, Neji ruins it once again, even though he never did that before.

“Neji,” Gamer Mode Naruto said tonelessly. But Sasuke could see it on his face—the love.

“WAIT!”

Oh for fucks sake who is it this time. i want to get this fic over with.

IT WAS THE GUY!

“

the end

 

i dont know how to spell gingy. gingie. gingey. gingiey gingee ginje jinjee jingy gingye


End file.
